Mainstream Vs. Boutique Vs. Natural Wine Lovers: How They See Each Other

I recently found an illustration by Cinismo Ilustrado which made fun of how carnivores, vegetarians and vegans see each other. So basically, meat lovers will see each other as "normal", vegetarians as "bunnies" and vegans as "E.T." (or basically, aliens) and so on. I thought it's possible to make a similar graph comparing the way different types of wine lovers see each other.

So, while it's not all primary colours here, let's say there are three main groups:

Mainstream: People that love wine in general and will drink a good glass without worrying to much about the backstage process. If it's tasty, it's tasty, isn't it that simple?

-Of course it isn't- Said the next type...

Boutique: Wine lovers that will value craft and small independent houses that work in an environmentally friendly way. True, sometimes a bit of chemicals are needed but as long as you don't abuse it and take good care of Mother Nature, you are in the good books. Are they right or what?

-Wrong! They're part of the problem!- Said the next type...

Natural: They're to wine what Poison Ivy is to Batman. The only sane people if you ask themselves, complete extremists if you take anyone else's opinion. And while there are different categories among those who stand for natural wines, the 101 is that chemicals are bad and if you use them your wine is poisoned.

So, inspired by the aforementioned artwork, here's a little guide on how do different wine lovers see each other depending on which one of these groups they identify themselves with...

How Mainstream sees Mainstream: The beautiful, cool kids. Why not aim for perfection, right?

How Mainstream sees Boutique: Bunch of hippies, some of them are kinda Ok.

How Mainstream sees Natural: You might as well join a cult. They'll be less weird.


How Boutique sees Mainstream: The plastics. Attractive but zero personality.

How Boutique sees Boutique: Creative and kind, just happy to express themselves.

How Boutique sees Mainstream: Their hearts might be in the right place, but they're eccentric nuts.


How Natural sees Mainstream: Skynet meets BP oil spills and puppy killers.

How Natural sees Boutique: They seem "green" but among them they're a bunch of hypocrites with lots to hide.

How Natural sees Mainstream: The saviours of Gaia.


Obviously, it's not so divisive in real life (although I've heard pretty judgy comments from all types), Agree? Disagree? Let me know!

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Cat's Piss, Wet Dog and Musk: Are we Tasting Wine or Playing Jumanji?

Every time I hear someone saying a wine smells like cat's piss I'm immediately taken back to memories of an understaffed pet shop I used to visit ages ago just to play with the kittens. My love for kittens, just as my love for certain Sauvignon Blancs *cough, Marlborough, cough* made me endure the pungent smell, but at the same time, it prevented me from staying longer or having a second glass.

And as funky as it sounds, cat's piss is not the only wine aroma descriptor associated with animals that is included in the common tongue -pun intended- of sommeliers and wine people. "Farmyard", "Horse-y", "Game", "Musk" and "Wet Dog" are among the smells mentioned in tasting notes that would be more appropriate when talking about a zoo in the summer or an overcrowded gym.

These are not arbitrary or chosen by the experts to troll you, but the result of the presence of Brettanomyces, a type of yeast associated with aromas that you'd expect from a cage more than from a bottle. Love them or hate them, they're legit.

But why stop there? Dust your childhood books and grow your vocabulary of critters and their aromatic qualities. In order to help, here are a few animal wine descriptors I think the world could benefit from having...

Just imagine it...

Oh, I sense a delicate scent of raccoon fresh out of a bin-
Absolutely, very ripe-

While I'm not a fan of Brettanomyces, or Brett, for the pals, I have to admit that life would be dull if everything we could find in wine was citrus and berries.

It's kinda like in that film American Hustle, where Jennifer Lawrence's characters is obsessed with her odd-smelling nail polish. "Flowers and garbage", she describes it as. Great fit for a film where the glamorous and the trashy blended so well.

Rosalyn on her favorite nail polish: "It smells like flowers but w/ garbage!" #AmericanHustle http://t.co/FtSKKaEj1Z pic.twitter.com/AYzGlU9KdX

— American Hustle (@AmericanHustle) March 24, 2014

Reasons why wine people need to have a good poker face 🍷 😐

I'm barely acceptable at Texas Hold'em (am I?) but I like to think that I have a decent poker face.
I've had to develop one so I can avoid rolling my eyes at the wrong bureaucrat, raise an eyebrow when I hear something shocking or laugh at the face of someone telling me Riesling is going to be the next Pinot Grigio. 

Which takes me to wine. Most of the time, socialising around it will bring the most sincere smile to my face, but for those few times when my left eye wants to twitch and my jaw wants to drop, it's good to imagine that I have a Royal Flush in my hand and I'm trying to pretend I'm debating whether to stay or fold.

Here's a little comic I drew about some of the moments when having a good poker face around wine will make your life easier.

Can you think of another occasion in which a good poker face becomes handy for wine lovers? Feel free to send it my way! I could draw it next 😁

Let me know!  Tweet to @Aerogaby