Monday, 20 July 2015

The 10 biggest movie regrets I've had [+Handmade Comic]

I love going to the cinema or watching movies at home, and normally, even if the movie itself turns out to be bad, I can still value the experience of spending time with someone whose company I enjoy.
However, there are times in which the film, the companion or something related to the situation is so ill-chosen that it all becomes not just an unpleasant time, but a horrible experience.

Here are my top 10 movie or cinema related regrets...

10. Trying to take a selfie inside a movie theatre...
It was 2003, so instead of a mobile I had a digital camera. The staff saw me and tought I was pirating the movie. I was kicked out and so were my friends. Luckily, they believed (the truth) after I explained and allowed us back. We missed the first 15 minutes of The Last Samurai, but the shame will stay with me forever.

9. Going to see "Zamora" with a politically active friend
For those who don't know or don't remember (which is probably everyone), it was an historic drama funded by the Venezuelan government. It was over the top, biased and full of lines that would make any historian cry. I wanted to see it because I was curious of how badly they could strech the facts, but I invited a friend with very strong feelings about politics and history (oposite to all the things the movie stood for), who just couldn't shut up for an hour. It was so bad that I grabed my stuff and left. We had a fight. We didn't speak for months. And it wasn't because my opinions were different, I agreed with him, but I had never seen a person talking so much during a film in my life, I just didn't know what to do.

8. Watching 50 Shades of Grey with fans of the book on premiere weekend
To each their own, but, as a person that couldn't care less about 50 Shades, being in the cinema with fans of the book started out as a bit awkward. And it was all down hill from there. Women screaming, gasping, moaning and being all weird (and that was in the audience). And of course, my friends comparing the scenes to the book (wasn't this the part where he whipped her? wasn't he nastier in the books? They are cutting all the good sex parts!). 

7. Going to see Scary Movie with my dad
All my friends had watched it and it was PG13 but I was 12 so, I could only see it with a responsible adult. I annoyed my dad into acompanying me and after the first 5 minutes I regreted that decision. The stupid parts felt more stupid, the sex jokes were making me annoyed, and the fact that I insisted so much to get away with that, made it impossible for me to admit that he was right, and it was a dumb movie, so I had to pretend I was having fun.

6. Watching Black Swan with a psychologist who was doing her thesis on depression in dancers
For some reason, I though it made perfect sense to share a movie about a dancer going mad with my cousin who was writing her thesis on depression in dancers. Now I know better. Of course, she had to analyze as we watched, of course she compared it to other cases, of course she had to make me regret the choice of film.

5. Having a pint just before entering the premiere of Song of the Sea
I was lucky enough to get an invitation for the screening of this beautiful Irish animated movie, I even got a "plus 1". Me and my "plus 1" -a friend from work- decided to drink a pint of beer and immediately after that, got in our seats. I loved the film, but I was dying to pee during the whole time and because it was the screening and everyone was all fancy, we didn't dare to get out and come back. The fact that the ocean, the waves and the beautifully animated water was all over the place didin't help.

4. Going to see Spirited Away with little cousins and grandma
Because it was distributed by Disney (and advertised as their movies ussually are), my family assumed that Chihiro would be some sort of Japanese Disney princess movie. My little cousins had two of the most boring hours of their life, and my granma had two hours of power napping (it wasn't so bad for her I guess). I was heavily into anime at the time and felt that I missed two birds with the same stone: the chance of doing something nice with the family, and the chance to enjoy the movie.

3. Watching Peter Jackson's King Kong with my father in law
I know that "animals don't behave that way in nature". I know that. But somehow, he needed to mention this every few minutes for the (three hours) duration of the movie. It's fantasy, not a documentary and nodding disapprovingly is not going to make the experience any better.

2. Watching Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland on a hot day where the Air Conditioning was down at the theatre
What do you get when 200 people are in a cinema with no air conditioning in a tropical country? Besides runny eye liner on all the emo kids (which were A LOT in this ocassion), you get the place smelling strongly like sweat, a few angry parents and crying babys. Welcome to Wonderland.

1. Watching any movie starring a cute dog
I've learned the hard way to say no to films with a lovely dog in the poster. They have only three possible outcomes: The dog saves the day, the dog dies or both at the same time. The first one is normally too dumb, the other two, too sad.

I'll leave you for now with a little comic about annoying stuff that people do at the movies...

Runners up:

  • Watching Harry Potter with my mom [who hates "when kids outsmart adults" in films].
  • Watching Hamlet with my husband [who fell asleep in Act I].
  • Watching The Ring with some highschool friends that I didn't really like [Who bullied the ones that looked scared].
  • Watching any musical with anyone who hates musicals [Especially if they didn't know the movie was a musical].

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